I had been in a funk…not the fun dancy kind but the bummer kind….where things are all dim and muted for no good reason….going through the motions….praying to feel reconnected to things….to be present and to love what is. One of those blues phases.
Meditating on attracting more love and focus into my life. I had been feeling like a survivor instead of a thriver and I couldn’t seem to pinpoint when I had started sliding in this direction. It must have happened in teensy bits because also things were great, just not, you know-POW!
On the other hand it could just very well be that I had considered it all and realized that the POW! isn’t all it is cracked up to be. In my experience what is really my jam is just a little POW! every once in a while. Like mostly simple harmonies over acoustic guitar with just a smidge of head banging power rock.
That too constant POW! fucks with my digestion. No shit.
But anyway I was in the funk……and trying ALLLL the things to release the funk. I was focusing and fasting and sleeping and running and writing and expressing myself and it wasn’t until I just thought, you know, fuck it I guess humans get into a funk sometimes.
I surrendered, and decided to ride it out.
I put on the comfy dress and laid in the hammock and smoked a bowl. Just calmed down and took my medicine like a good girl. And it wasn’t until then, after swinging there a bit sipping gingerale on a slightly too hot day with crickets starting up the background music for the night that I realized how much time I spent wishing things were different when I could have been thinking about what was wonderful.
Wonderful. I have everything I need! I have friends. I often sleep 8 hours a night. I laugh a lot. I do pretty interesting work. My car is going on 285,000miles and is still super reliable and my apartment is full of art and my friends are musicians and yogis and dancers and moms and teachers and activists and farmers and cooks and business owners and improvisers. Life is cool. And when I think about the things I used to focus on and the things I’ve let go of……and how exciting the prospects really are….with adventure and love and everything, the awareness that I have a mind capable of pondering the vastness of the universe and how wondrous it all is and the ability to call out to that universe- And the universe will open my eyes and my heart again….and it’s like, POW!
And that is why I like cannabis.